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  • Writer's pictureHeavenly Hands

Escorting While Plus Size - My Experience

Updated: Oct 30, 2019

I've always been chubby, ever since I was a baby. Literally. My mother had an unforgettable photo of a very wide-looking me as a one year old pressing a plump index finger into my temple as if I were saying 'look how smart I am'. I looked like a little tank, and to this day I've never seen a chubbier baby.

Some like to argue 'calories in vs calories out' and 'exercise and healthy eating' as if one size fits all. I, however, feel I was never going to be anything other than a chubby escort. Not in this dimension.

So far during my time in the industry my dress size has ranged from NZ size 14 to size 22. I'm currently the biggest I've ever been at a 20-22, and I'm pleased to say I feel business is going well despite the weight gain I've experienced over the last several years. In fact I am gaining more regulars, and more loyal regulars than I ever have before. While I have no doubt there are men who do not book me because of my size, I suspect many of those same men wouldn't have booked me at my lightest either. They simply prefer slimmer ladies.

Out of the men who do book me, some love plus size women. Many more find a much wider range of women attractive. And yet others still are just after good experiences and, for them, having a good time is not dependent on size. This is heartening. It also shows just how false the fat-phobic narrative pushed by the media really is. Outside of advertising and TV land, men are pushin that cushion and absolutely loving it. They're grabbing mine and other women's most hated body parts like tummy rolls and thunder thighs and calling us beautiful and worshipping our bodies.

Not that being a plus sized woman in the sex industry has always been a gentle experience for me. I started out in parlours where we were lined up like cattle for clients to look us over and either select or reject us, and I experienced a lot of rejection by the clients in favour of slimmer ladies which could be demoralising at times. It pays to be thick skinned if you're a BBW working in a massage parlour, as the clients tend to be more visually-motivated. They were there to fuck, and personality would only take you so far.

Size 14-16 me

My exit from parlour work was a deeply upsetting affair. It was a common practice back then for a client to pay a booking fee to the house, which the escort got none of, and to then negotiate the fee for the escort with her directly. There tended to be an average amount both sides expected to be paid however, so there were no nasty surprises. I'd seen one of the 'hot' sex workers at my brothel negotiate a slightly higher tip than normal (an extra $10) with a client for a normal full service. She got it, and I thought that was great and decided to try it myself. Which I did, and like her I succeeded. Unlike the original girl, I, however, got fired for having the temerity to charge above my perceived worth.

This was a devastating experience for me, it hurt and humiliated me in a way that nobody has managed to since. It was more than just being called fat or unattractive. Without saying it directly in words, I had been told that as a plus sized woman I just wasn't worth much.

When the message was relayed to me that I could return to the parlour after a week, like a naughty girl that had been put in her place, I determinedly rejected the offer and went private instead. Which is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

I hung on in the sex industry, partially because I was a survival sex worker and didn't feel I had many other options, and partially because I couldn't help but believe I had something to offer and that there must surely be a place for me. It turned out I was right when I discovered my niche in sensual massage.

Unlike in massage parlours, I now advertise my services and gentlemen interested contact me. I no longer experience the cringe-worthy face to face rejection that is a part of the parlour environment. Working privately also attracts gentlemen who are seeking specific services I offer, rather than men just 'looking to fuck'.

Me today

I find the social influence on what we regard as beautiful an interesting subject. I don't agree with the theory that attractiveness is believed to reflect health, because our ideas of beauty change over time and some of our past ones have included the 'junkie' and underweight looks in fashion, and even the dreaded plus size rubenesque women who now get bashed on social media for being UNhealthy. Big butts are now idolised, whereas women who possess them used to get ridiculed for having 'fat asses'. Thick thighs are now also considered acceptable by many and even desirable. It has not always been so.

It makes me wonder to what extent we truly perceive beauty rather than have it dictated to us by others.

Or perhaps men have always found various types of women attractive, but are only open about what they like when their type is considered socially acceptable.

Which brings me to another one of the downsides of being plus sized in the sex industry.

I just recently created this site and wished to include a testimonials page. I have not done so simply because I don't have enough reviews to post on the would-be page. Despite having a good reputation as a sensual massage provider, I'm lucky if I get a review every two years. I even have some clients tell me I'm 'famous' (which never fails to get a laugh out of me!). Yet there are other (non fat) providers who offer similar or even the same services I do who get reviewed a lot more frequently than I do.

I have several thoughts on why this may be. The main one is that many men are ashamed to say publicly that they've had a great time with a BBW, even anonymously. This relates to my point above about what is considered socially accepted beauty standards. I have seen men be shamed into silence for expressing attraction to curvier women. The pressure to conform can not be underestimated, and I find it very sad that courage is required to just be ourselves.

Another theory is that even when blown away by an amazing service, clients don't feel bigger women merit being praised for it in the same way as more traditionally attractive women do. Men love boasting about their experiences with beautiful women. Women like me who don't meet the current popular ideal, not so much. This along with the first point is very discouraging.

I even considered that perhaps my awkward nature was stopping clients from reviewing me. So I've been working on connecting better with my gentlemen visitors which has gone down very well, my repeat business has noticeably increased and I'm also enjoying my work even more now along with my clients.

Yet, still no reviews.

While there are exceptions to this and a small number of curvier women do publicly receive plenty of praise in review form, at least some of us do feel we are excluded due to our size.

There are also some more 'acceptable' types of fat than others, such as more firm fat, big bum but with smaller waist fat, and fat but with a stunning face.

If you're plus size but not exceptional in some socially acceptable way, then good luck.

Likewise, the yearly sex industry awards will soon be upon us, and I think it unlikely I or many other plus size escorts will be mentioned.

Clients could help the curvier ladies whose company they enjoy by saying fuck you to the social norms and not limiting their praise for their favourite providers to inside the bedroom. While it may take courage to do so, I assure you, it takes a lot more courage to face the industry as a plus sized escort. Along with trying to promote ourselves to what can be a tough audience, we also need to navigate social media and review forums and the nastiness that can come with them. When we're publicly attacked it's not just our feelings or pride that can be hurt, it can be our businesses also.

Anybody who thinks curvier escorts do not merit the effort or recognition however does not deserve to be in our company.

In a world where we are bombarded by images and messages promoting skewed and unrealistic body expectations, it cannot be understated how demoralising it can be to be subjected to only one body type in social media. In my early days as a sensual masseuse I hated taking photos of myself, and was often too eaten up by self-doubt to share them when I did take them. If I did pluck up the courage to post one somewhere, I then felt anxious waiting for somebody to criticise or make fun. I spent far too much time worrying and comparing myself to body ideals that few women match.

While I still don't love cameras, I'm a lot more comfortable taking and posting pics now, and I feel sad for the younger me when I look back at lovely old pics I was scared to share at the time.

These days I find it beneficial and rewarding to follow as many other BBW sex workers on social media as I can. That way along with the many slim and stunning ladies I see, I'm also frequently seeing beautiful bigger bodies on my timeline. There are so many amazing plus size babes absolutely slaying on there, and I feel fortunate to have them on my timeline reminding me that more than one body type is valid and beautiful. These women are highly inspirational, and as a bonus their posts can be a good way to discover other plus size lingerie and clothing too *squeals with delight*

NZ sex workers got together this year and organised and contributed to an SW art exhibition, the theme being Sex Workers of Aotearoa - a day in the life of. Curse my lack of artistic ability! I've been holding on to a vision ever since of what I would have contributed had I possessed the skill to create it. In my creation I would have painted a picture of myself split vertically down the middle. On the left side would be civilian me with backs turned to me, plain and feeling invisible, even shunned because of my size. On the right would be sex worker me, dressed in the sexy lingerie I love with men kneeling at my feet worshipping my body - and paying me for the privilege. This vision perfectly encapsulates how I feel about being a plus sized escort. There's been difficulty and hurt, but there's also been validation and reward. I very well may wish to add to this subject in future as I continue my journey, but this has been my experience as a plus sized woman in the sex industry so far.

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